Stacie Later, LCSW

Everyone has their own ways of coping through hard things. For people with Complex PTSD (CPTSD), those coping strategies aren’t only about getting through, they’re about survival.

You may wonder why you shut down when something feels intense, even if no one else thinks it’s a big deal. Maybe you find yourself dodging tasks, events or commitments that you know need to be prioritized. You might notice yourself working hard to keep the peace and maintain appearances for others, often at the expense of neglecting your own needs. Some days, your reactions may feel “too much” before your brain can catch up.

These are trauma responses. They’re about what your nervous system learned it had to do to keep you safe.

The Four Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

Most people are familiar with “fight or flight.” In cases of complex trauma, especially ongoing relational trauma in childhood, other survival strategies also develop. These patterns are not chosen. They are learned and re-enforced over time.

Let’s break it down.

Fight

This is the “push back” response. It can show up as anger, control, defensiveness, or irritability.

People who lean toward fight often learned that staying in control or being one step ahead was the safest option. You might appear confident or bold on the outside while carrying deep fear underneath. These reactions are protective, not intentionally aggressive at the core.

“Fight” is often about surviving situations where power and control were the only perceptions of safety available.

Flight

This response looks like escapism, sense of urgency, overthinking, or staying constantly busy.

You may feel uncomfortable when things slow down. Your nervous system might associate stillness with danger, which makes it difficult to just ‘be.’ Many people who default to flight learned that keeping in motion helped avoid pain, unpredictability, or criticism.

“Flight” is not only about running away. It is about staying away from danger, even if that danger now your living memory.

Freeze

This is the shut-down response. It often looks like zoning out, going blank, or numb.

Your body may become heavy or still. Decisions might feel impossible. If freeze is a familiar experience, it could mean that disconnecting became the safest choice in environments where you were overwhelmed or powerless.

“Freeze” is not failure to move. It is a signal that your nervous system has reached its capacity and is trying to protect you by shutting down.

Fawn

This response is about keeping the peace. It shows up as people-pleasing, over-apologizing, perfectionism or putting others’ needs above your own.

Many people who fawn have trouble setting boundaries because saying “no” once led to conflict, rejection, or punishment. Your nervous system learned to keep peace in order to avoid pain. Fawning often looks like kindness; however, inside it feels like betrayal and self-abandonment.

“Fawn” is not about being nice. It is a learned reaction from relationships where acceptance was conditional.

Remember You’re Not Broken, You Adapted

These trauma responses are not character flaws. They are learned adaptations that your body and mind found as ways to survive what you never deserved to have had to experience.

People with CPTSD often experience multiple responses depending on the situation(s). You might freeze during conflict, fawn in close relationships, and shift into flight or fight when you feel trapped or stressed.

Healing doesn’t mean never having these responses ever again. It includes learning to acknowledge them with compassion and gaining tools to unlearn so you can respond differently.

Recovery from CPTSD is about building safety inside your own system so you don’t have to rely on old survival strategies to navigate the present.

The path includes learning how to regulate your nervous system, practicing boundaries, reconnecting with your body, and discovering who you are beyond your trauma. It also includes unlearning what those experiences taught you about yourself, others and the world around you.

These responses are nothing to be ashamed of. Your survival deserves to be honored. You deserve to be supported in your healing.